How do you decide to apply for social
security disability (SSD) benefits? What
is the moment or experience that makes you begin the overwhelming process of
collecting all your medical files including office visits, blood tests, imaging
tests etc.? It is a significant decision
to apply for benefits and it’s not an easy one to make.
Say What?
When I was diagnosed with ankylosing
spondylitis, my father suggested that I apply for SSD benefits. I thought he was a little crazy. I envisioned those who legitimately needed these benefits as homebound, unable to
care for themselves. As my disease
progressed, I started researching how to apply for benefits. I was also reading message boards on the Spondylitis
Association of America website about applying for benefits. What I learned from my research is applying
for benefits is not easy. In the process
of applying for social security disability benefits, there is an involved
application, the decision, phase, the denial and appeal phase, usually requiring the assistance of a
lawyer. From what I learned, to actually be approved for benefits can take
many, many years. It sounded overwhelming to me. I still had in my mind that I wasn’t ill
enough to apply.
Career Change
I was working as an elementary school
teacher when I was diagnosed. In that
time, my husband was transferred with his job out of state. I thought I would like to work part time when we moved to make life a little easier for myself as I managed my
disease. My goal was to work as a
substitute teacher or as an adjunct professor at a community college. Well, the substitute teacher position only
lasted one day. I was standing on my
feet all day and by the time I got home, I was in a lot of pain. I had to cross that idea off the list. After
that experience, I was hired as a temporary library assistant at the county
library part time. Eventually, I got a permanent
position. I worked at the reference desk
helping library patrons. In this job, I
was able to sit mostly throughout my 8-hour shift and I thought it would be a
good fit considering my condition.
However, sitting for an extended period can be just as bad as
standing. My health was deteriorating, I
was in a lot of pain, and working 20 hours a week was growing more difficult
for me.
My Denial
As my husband observed all of this going
on, he suggested that I apply for benefits.
I knew he was right, but I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it because it would mean that I
have to acknowledge that there was something wrong with me, and it
interfered with my ability to work. I
was in denial and wasn’t ready to admit that I was disabled. This was one of
the first challenges I experienced with my chronic disease. I don’t want to accept that there is anything
wrong with me. I don’t want to accept
that sometimes I walk with a limp. I
don’t want to accept that despite the various medications that I take, my
disease is slowly progressing. It’s a
mind game that really messes with your spirit. In addition, there is the stigma
of being disabled.
The Stigma
Let’s talk about this stigma. What do you think when a seemingly able
bodied person tells you that they are disabled? The first thing that comes
to mind is the person isn’t really disabled at all and just ripping off the
government. Since I have an invisible
illness, will family and friends look at me with that lens? Am I “less than” as a wife, mother, sister,
friend because of my limitations? Can I live a full life even as a disabled
person? These are the thoughts that were
going through my mind as my husband suggested that I apply for SSD
benefits. And, I just couldn’t do it.
Time to Apply
In October of 2016, I sat down at my
computer and began the long process
of applying for social security disability benefits. I had the realization that because of my AS,
I was no longer working full time in the profession that I love, which resulted
in no longer being able to provide medical benefits for my family. I was unable to work 20 hours a week. And the treatment plan I was on was not
effective. So that was my moment when I recognized that I was disabled, and I decided to take the
arduous journey into the application process.
The process had its ups and downs.
I was contacted a few times by social security with either questions or
asking me to follow up with my doctors who had not responded to their inquiry.
From all my research into the process of applying, I knew this would be a long
wait, so I didn’t get my hopes up at all about being approved.
The Decision
Six months after applying for benefits, I
learned that I was approved! I was so
shocked at this news. From reading the
experiences of other ASers on the SAA message board, this process can take
years, involve lawyers, appeals and court dates, and some still don’t get
approved. I cried, and immediately
thanked and praised God for this incredible blessing.
Sense of Self
Throughout the application process I
worked as an adjunct professor at a community college teaching a college
success course. I was proud that I
achieved this goal after leaving full time teaching! Now, I work a few hours a week as a tutor at
that same college. I continue this work
because it makes me feel valuable and gives me a sense of purpose as a teacher
and as an individual. And, with this
self-worth, I can accept that I am
disabled.
